Psychological and emotional abuse

Definition

Psychological abuse is an insidious form of abuse in which perpetrators employ a wide range of personalised, psychological tactics to manipulate and frighten a person, distorting their thoughts and changing their sense of self in order to maintain control.

It involves the regular and deliberate use of a range of words and non-physical actions used with the purpose to manipulate, hurt, weaken or frighten a person mentally and emotionally; and/or distort, confuse or influence a person’s thoughts and actions within their everyday lives, changing their sense of self and harming their wellbeing.

Perpetrators use a wide range of hidden tactics to maintain control and brainwash their victim, presenting insults as a joke, gaslighting, and presenting different versions of events.

At the beginning of their relationships, 96% of survivors said their partner was charming and affectionate, 93% said they expressed love for them very quickly and 92% wanted to spend a lot of time together. Abusive behaviour is interspersed with warmth and kindness, slowly desensitising the victim to the behaviour.

Examples

Perpetrators take advantage of victims’ vulnerabilities; those with mental health illnesses were threatened with being sectioned, whereas those with precarious immigration status reported citizenship being used to keep them dependent upon their abuser.

Intimidation and threats. This could be things like shouting, acting aggressively or just generally making you feel scared. This is often done as a way of making a person feel small and stopping them from standing up for themselves.

Criticism. This could be things like name-calling or making lots of unpleasant or sarcastic comments. This can really lower a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

Undermining. This might include things like dismissing your opinion. It can also involve making you doubt your own opinion by acting as if you’re being oversensitive if you do complain, disputing your version of events or by suddenly being really nice to you after being cruel.

Being made to feel guilty. This can range from outright emotional blackmail (threats to kill oneself or lots of emotional outbursts) to sulking all the time or giving you the silent treatment as a way of manipulating you.

Economic abuse. This can be withholding money, not involving you in finances or even preventing you from getting a job. This could be done as a way of stopping you from feeling independent and that you’re able to make your own choices.

Telling you what you can and can’t do. As the examples above make clear, emotional abuse is generally about control. Sometimes this is explicit. Does your partner tell you when and where you can go out, or even stop you from seeing certain people? Do they try to control how you dress or how you style your hair?

Enforced social isolation. Preventing someone accessing services, educational and social opportunities and seeing friends.

Removing mobility or communication aids or intentionally leaving someone unattended when they need assistance.

Preventing someone from meeting their religious and cultural needs.

Preventing the expression of choice and opinion.

Failure to respect privacy.

Preventing stimulation, meaningful occupation or activities.

Addressing a person in a patronising or infantilising way.

Threats of harm or abandonment.

Cyber bullying.

Statistics

Nearly half (48%) of survivors reported regularly being told they were mentally unstable, and over half regularly experienced control in who they could speak to, meet socially or spend time with.

91% of survivors experienced some form of psychological violence in their relationship.

90% of practitioners agreed that psychological violence is usually interspersed with warmth and kindness to create emotional confusion.

88% of practitioners agreed that psychological violence can be as, or more harmful that physical violence.

Safety Advice

Immediate harm:

Contact 999 if a person who is being abused feels that they are at risk of serious harm or homicide.
If the person who is being abused needs to be removed from their home for safety please contact their local housing department to make a homeless referral or contact Our refuges – Refuge or via their national helpline: 08002000247.
If a person is considered not to have the mental capacity or ability to make safe choices, make a referral to adult safeguarding services in your area.
If children are involved and at risk, make a safeguarding referral to your local team.
If there is an imminent risk of suicide or self-harm, please refer the person being abused to: First Response Service | DPT by calling 08081968708. You may also need to call 999 and ask for ambulance or police.

Ongoing:

Advise the person being abused to record incidents of abuse for future safeguarding, it may also help them to recognise a larger pattern of behaviour.
Refer them to their local domestic abuse services for ongoing support.
Ask the person who is being abused to talk to someone they trust about the abuse.
It may be helpful for the person being abused to discuss the impact of psychological abuse with their GP.

I want to leave my relationship safely – Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)